did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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