Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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