Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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