You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize