Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
