I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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