How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
