Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
