I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize