I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
