On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize