also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
