I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
