enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
