It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
