Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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