he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
