She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
