the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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