She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
