For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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