standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
