Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
