I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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