I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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