How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
