she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
