So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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