So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
