Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She announced her abortion via fbk
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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