all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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