spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
