Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
