just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We are two peas in an std pod
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sorry about my life...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
