you're like a bully in the Christmas story
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
