R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
