I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
