why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
