It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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