Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
