just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
