There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize