I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
