he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
