I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
