I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
