how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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