there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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