Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
