mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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