So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
