Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
