State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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