Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
