dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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