I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
