is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
