Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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