I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
