Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
