I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
