there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
