Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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