i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
