forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
