I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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