That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
