I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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