I wish I could punch you in the face.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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