You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
