I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
