I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
