If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
