hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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