I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
