community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
