Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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