thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
