So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
