When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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