I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
