No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
