just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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