the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
