I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
