Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
