end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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