i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
sarcasm needs its own font
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
