dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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