Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
