I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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