so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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