pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
