How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
