Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
