Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
