Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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