if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize