Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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